By Katie Stone 

Reading time: 12 minutes 

Where do you truly belong?

Is it where you live now? The town you grew up in? Is it where you met your partner? Or is it somewhere you discovered later in life and suddenly felt a connection?

What does it even mean, to belong?

Psychologists have defined ‘belonging’ as ‘the experience of personal involvement in a system or environment in which someone feels they are an integral part of the system or the environment’. In other words, feeling that you are part of a certain group – whether it be family, a set of friends, a workplace, or a certain culture.

That sense of belonging is crucial to our wellbeing, and even to our survival. According to Maslow’s “Hierarchy of Needs”, we humans are motivated to fulfil our needs in a certain order. After the most basic things are fulfilled (food and shelter; employment; good health), our next most important need is love and belonging. That’s because humans are social creatures. We crave interaction with others in the form of friendship, family, love, and intimacy. We also need to feel like we belong in a group. Without that sense of belonging, we may end up feeling lonely, and possibly depressed.

We could all probably recall a time or place we felt we didn’t belong. School; a particular job; a living situation; even just a party. But some people grow up feeling they don’t belong to their own country or even the culture they were born into. These are the kinds of people who may end up roaming the world, searching for the ‘home’ that their heart and soul truly connect with. They try out new lands and new experiences, immersing themselves in different cultures; learning new languages. All in pursuit of finding the one place in which they belong.

For Maria Pontiki, that place turned out to be the other side of the world.

It took Maria six countries, three continents, and most of her life to reach New Zealand. And if it hadn’t been for a lost Kiwi teenager in New York, she might never have found it.

Born in Athens, Maria always felt that her heart didn’t really belong in Greece. As soon as she turned 19, she scooped up her life savings and set out to find her place in the world.

Throughout her 20s and 30s, she moved between New York, France, London, and Italy. The only place she truly loved was Italy, and she ended up settling there for 14 years. In that time, she completed a double degree in French and Italian Literature at the University of Bologna, the world’s oldest university.

Many years later, a DNA test would reveal she was in fact 32% Italian: a confirmation of her connection.

And she would probably still be living in Italy if she hadn’t been made redundant from her job in 2011. She found another job, but four months later, the same thing happened again.

By then, she was nearly 41. “At that age, I realised getting a permanent job in Italy as a single woman would be impossible,” she says. “It was just going to happen again and again. I needed to start from scratch.”

She decided to spend some time in New York to think over her options. It turned out to be a serendipitous move.

It was while out in Central Park one day in June 2011 that she ran into Hayden, an 18-year-old Kiwi. Hayden had just arrived in the US from Pukekohe and, in his jetlagged state, had gotten himself completely lost. Maria offered to show him around, and they ended up spending the day together.

Despite the 22-year age difference, the pair clicked. “He could have been my son,” she laughs. “But I was so impressed with his maturity and knowledge of ancient Greece.” It turned out that Hayden’s grandfather had been a hero in WWII, and had fought in Crete.

After going their separate ways – Maria to Canada and Hayden on to Camp America – the pair connected on Facebook and kept in touch. But the encounter had given Maria an idea. “I knew I needed to go somewhere new; to start over. Then I thought, maybe I should try the other side of the world?”

After visiting a trade fair for Australia and New Zealand, she decided to give it a shot. In September that year, she came to New Zealand for a three-week holiday.

She’ll never forget the moment she stepped off the plane for the first time. “I immediately had this sense of belonging. I walked around and felt that this was where I was supposed to be,” she says. “The sky here is just like where I grew up in Athens. It’s so blue – exactly the same as my blue.”

She had arranged to meet up with Hayden and his family in Hamilton, and they took her under their wing. When it came time to go back to her flat in Italy, she cried all the way on the flight from Auckland to Sydney. “I just didn’t want to go,” she says. “The Kiwi couple sitting next to me saw me crying, and said: ‘You can always go back home, you know’. I had to explain to them that I was going home!”

By then, she had decided that New Zealand was where she was meant to be, and that was where she would go. She packed up her life in Italy and, in February 2013, she arrived in Auckland with a tourist visa and a single suitcase.

Hayden’s family were ready to help her adjust to her new life. But it wasn’t an easy start. By the end of her nine-month tourist visa, she still hadn’t found work, so she decided to study instead.

Having already completed a Masters’ in Human Resources, Maria enrolled part-time in a Masters’ in Business at Auckland University. But she still needed an income, and the best she could find was a job at a meat processing factory in Otahuhu. With her academic background, it certainly wasn’t the kind of work she’d ever imagined herself in. She didn’t even eat meat.

“Here I was, wearing a white uniform and selling meat, but I couldn’t tell pork from beef,” she laughs. “I had to take home three cuts of meat to study so I could tell the customers what they were buying!”

Despite a few struggles, she did learn about meat – and remains eternally thankful to her employers. “It shows how Kiwis are very kind people. They knew I needed a job, and they knew I was a hard worker,” she says. “They appreciated my will to stay.” She remembers how her boss would even put the heater next to her desk before she arrived each morning. “They were so good to me! I still have friends there; I still see my manager.”

Her goal, however, was to one day find a job at a university. “I have a fixation on university life. I love being there. It’s like coming back to where I’ve always belonged, but through another door.”

With several qualifications in human resources, literature, and business, she applied for every role that came up at the university. On her third attempt, she was successful: she landed a role as the Human Resources Advisor for Auckland University’s Medical and Health Sciences, where she still works today.

Finally, Maria is where she wants to be. “I’m very, very proud and happy with this work,” she says. “The academics and the professional staff in FMHS (Faculty of Medical and Health Sciences) really make my everyday life so much better and working in the university is so much more than a job for me, thanks to them.”

She still keeps in close contact with Hayden and his family, and credits them for her integration into Kiwi culture. She joins them for family birthdays and Christmases. “They’re a second family to me. They treat me like I’m one of them,” she says.

June this year marked ten years since she and Hayden met in New York, and they plan to celebrate when he is able to return to New Zealand from Canada.

In December last year, Maria received her proudest honour yet: New Zealand citizenship. The ceremony was held at Eden Park, and she was overcome with joy to be among the 300 people and 46 nationalities at the event. “The ceremony was very beautiful. I was very emotional – I cried the whole time during the New Zealand anthem!” she says.

Now a proud ‘Greek-Kiwi’, she is also quick to point out that her journey has been entirely her own choice: “I’ve always chosen to move around. I’ve worked very hard to get here, but I’m also a very lucky person.“

What strikes her most, however, is the way in which New Zealand has welcomed her. Despite having no family here, and no blood ties, she has found that New Zealand accepts everyone, regardless of why or how they arrived. “In New Zealand, I feel I can be myself more than anywhere in the world. This country fits with my own way of how I perceive life, so I didn’t have to adapt much.”

After a lifetime of wandering, Maria has no doubts that this is where she was always meant to be. “I’ve been to many other places, and I still today think this is the best place I’ve ever been,” she says. “I still feel this is where I belong. This is home for me.”

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